There once was a bunch of tiny frogs who arranged a climbing competition. The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower. A large crowd had gathered around the tower to cheer on the contestants. The race began. No one believed the tiny frogs would be able to make it. Throughout the race, the crowd was muttering: “Oh, way too difficult”, “They will never make it to the top”, “Not a chance they will succeed”, “The tower is too high”...
The tiny frogs began collapsing, one by one, except for those who, with fresh vigour, were climbing higher and higher. The crowd continued to yell, “It is too difficult! No one will make it!” More gave up. But one continued to climb, refusing to give up!
At the end of the race, all had given up except for that one tiny frog who reached the top!
All of the others wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it. It turned out that the winning frog was deaf! In addition, the deaf frog thought that all the yelling were words of praise and encouragement. These, in turn, inspired him to try harder to reach the top.
SHUT OUT THE NEGATIVE
What a great bedtime story to tell to our kids! But the lessons are universally applicable to all: That in order to succeed, we need to be “deaf” to the negative and discouraging words. Even better, we should find a way to turn them into inspiring, encouraging words.
Let’s start with ourselves. Sometimes, without realising it, we dish out negative remarks to our kids. Just recall the last time you got angry and started to nag about something. We may have said “What’s wrong with you?” or “Look at your brother, he can do it better than you!” These negative words can go a long way towards destroying our kids’ confidence and motivation.
BRING OUT THE POSITIVE
For every negative word, there is always the positive. Instead of saying “Don’t run”, it is more meaningful to say “Walk slowly”. Similarly, words like “Please play quietly” is not only more polite than “Why are you so noisy?”. It is also more comprehensible to the kids. There are many more examples on how we can bring out the positive words in our interactions with the children.
The key thing is to choose the words carefully. They should be straightforward and call for clear action from the kids. Avoid using negative words no matter how you feel. Focus on the kids and patiently show them the right way. Include lots of praise and encouragement for jobs well done.
In no time, you will be pleasantly surprised to find improvement in their behaviour as they become more motivated and inspired by our loving, positive words.
LEARN TO BE “DEAF”
Now let’s turn our attention to beef up our kids’ internal resilience against all the negative elements. Just like the little deaf frog, it would be great if our kids can learn to be “deaf” when the need arises. There will be many such occasions, for example, when dealing with their teachers, friends, the social environment, or even with parents. Tell them that they can never control what others say but they can always choose how to react.
Teach them how to filter the noise and negative remarks and focus on their beliefs and strengths. Always be there for them in their times of need. Boost their confidence by telling them they can finish the race if they put their hearts and minds to it, regardless of what others say.
TOUCHING THEIR HEARTS
Words of praise and encouragement constitute a very powerful tool. Just like the tiny deaf frog, parent and child can, together, use them to climb the highest tower. After all, once their hearts are positively touched, there’s nothing to stop them from achieving their goals, no matter how impossible others may think they are.
source from: New Straits Times; writer: Zaid Mohamad